It's not always about coming up with your own words, but sharing the words of others:

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
And when I am for myself, what am 'I'?
And if not now, when? - Hillel the Elder

...the sea's only gifts are harsh blows and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong. Now, I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head... - Bear Meat by Primo Levi

I will not fret over that which is out of my control. I have the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. - Adaptation of the Serenity Prayer

Roots

Today I stray from exposing unlikely super heroes to talk about where I come from. I tend to take simple things for granted. For example I forget that my curls are a genetic gift connecting me to my father and my father's mother and so on. So too do I forget that my name is the first gift my ancestors shared with me. Names can be a road map to your past, your roots.

Literally my full name means pure, new village, land exposed to the sun. My mom chose not to change her name when she married my dad. Rather than complicate her daughter's lives with a hyphenated last name (thank you mom) she and my dad compromised. My mom would pick our first names and we would take our dad's last name. So there explains the "pure" and "land exposed to the sun" translations of my first and last name.

My mom's choice to keep her maiden name when she married my dad had little or nothing to do with feminist principles or dislike for my father's family name, and everything to do with her love for her paternal family. Since I share in this deep love I am grateful that she chose not to exclude my sister and me from carrying this name. Rather than give my sister and me second names as middle names (which I have never fully understood the purpose of) she gave us "new village," - the N. that stands between "pure" and "land exposed to the sun."

While I experienced periods of resentment that my middle name was not generic like Nichole, or feminine like Rose, as I got older I began to appreciate the things that made me unique. With maturity the fortunate realize that in a world of 6 billion people it is what makes you different that keeps you sane.

As a child I purchased a name card that prescribed the origin and meaning of my first name. "Pure" was a word that packed a lot of meaning in catholic school... some of which I did not want to be associated with in the midst of puberty. Pure and prude to me were interchangeable and quite honestly it couldn't have been closer to the truth. While I longed to be a rebel in the conventional sense - lying to parents, smoking behind the church, breaking curfew to be with boys - these things were not comfortable for me.  I took my time to experience all of the above, but later than some of my peers.

Unsurprisingly, in my early teens, I was known for being somewhat pure and often wanted to break out of that box; but my name carried more truth than I understood at the time.  Now as an adult the word "pure" has taken on a meaning that I am proud of - a purity of mind and soul is something I strive for. As for my middle name the literal translation of "new village" means little to me in comparison to how privileged I feel to be a part of the "new village" family. I carry my last name proudly. "Land exposed to the sun" is meaningful because my father and my father's father were farmers. My dad now is a gardener - not by profession but at heart. While I know little about our ancestors, it would appear from our Northern Italian name that land and sun were important to them. In my own life I have always held the sun in high regard - whether it was my 4th grade self considering rainy Fridays as bad luck or my present overwhelming desire to reside where the sun shines for most of the year.

My name, my full name, is a talisman I carry with me. It connects me to my past and present while in essence guiding my future.

It's not always about coming up with your own words, but sharing the words of others:

Ever hear a song and feel like the past, present, and future versions of yourself conspired to write it? Possibly, in hopes of relieving some of that pressure you put on yourself.

Turn Around by David Ryan Harris

I am not a fool
Love did not make me dumb
So tonight I seek the truth
Am I still the only one?

Baby just save face
And make me believe that when
You ask me for space
That it's not to fit someone else in

I pray that when the sun goes down on everything you've done
Whoever's arms your sleeping in will warm you like the sun
I hope your dreams are peaceful, I hope your sleep is sound
And you are satisfied with what you found
When you finally turn around

Sugar, don't hold out
For if you don't love me still
It's the least that you could do
Baby, to let me find some one that will

I pray that when the sun goes down on everything you've done
Who ever's arms your sleeping in will warm you like the sun
I hope your dreams are peaceful, and I hope your sleep is sound
And you are satisfied with what you found

Twenty years from now my love,
Long after all the tears have dried
Who'll be there in memory only
And who'll be by your side?

Regret is a pill to swill
That never quite goes down
I pray that he is gentle and careful with your heart
That he touches you in ways that slowly pry your shell apart
So he can reach that part of you that truly is your core
And you have found in him more that you have been pining for

Baby girl Regret is a pill to swill
That never quite goes down
I hope your dreams are peaceful, I hope your sleep is sound
And you are satisfied with what you found
When you finally turn around
Hey, hey hey hey
When you finally turn around
Hey, hey hey hey
When you finally turn around
Hey, hey hey hey
When you finaly turn around
When you finally

To Know Thy Self

Makin' somethin' outta nothin'.

Marians Love

I graduated from college in 2008. The shock that accompanied my exit from undergrad led to a year of travel, building friendships, and part time work. All of which functioned, in one way or another, as distractions. I had my preliminary credential which, due to economic downturn, proved to be fairly useless in the job market. Did I want to pursue teaching in the failing educational system? Was I willing to scrap all the tests I took, my student teaching, my entire undergraduate career and start a new?

These were questions I had no time to answer! There were bars to be frequented, friends in foreign countries to visit, and teacher-less classrooms where a sub was needed. Although I would not trade, what my friend Emily calls, "the lost year" there were some dark moments that accompanied all the fun I was having. While I was active socially, I refused to think about my future beyond next Saturday night ("S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!" - Bay City Rollers) save for those fleeting moments in between sleeping and dreaming when reality would sneak in while my defenses were down. My heart would pound until I distracted myself by turning on the T.V. or replaying last "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!" in my head.

-
Not to worry, this story has a happy ending and for my devoted followers (Erin) I have every intention of honoring an unlikely super hero - but the hero needs the context and so we forge on.
-

At some point I either forced myself to face the reality that haunted my subconscious or was forced by an opportunity to return to school for a long considered career path - speech and language pathology.

I am not sure I can attest to the saying "when one door closes, another door opens" but I can say that in my life, when one door opens several will open shortly thereafter. Once I signed up for the prerequisite courses required for graduate study in speech and language pathology I was offered a long term substitute teaching position. Where before my life was at an intellectual stand still I found myself in the midst of a windfall of opportunities for growth. I jumped at both and have not regretted it since.

This year I have experienced a boost in confidence and renewed anticipation for my entre into adulthood. That being said, this morning I was able to revisit a very unique part of my past (although in many ways it is still a part of my present and will be a part of my future). In college I was a member of an all women service organization called Marians. Our mission: "the betterment of women and children" particularly through domestic violence prevention, breast cancer awareness, and feminism.

I don't think I knew at the time how much I needed a support group of smart, independent, dedicated, crazy (and I mean that in the best sense of the word), and beautiful women. Being a Marian changed my life for the better. Today I attended our alumni reunion and was reminded of how deeply it has influenced my sense of self. Many of my best friends are women I met while I was a Marian. As I sat with some of them today and heard Marians of past and present reflect on their favorite memories I was pleased to hear that they had been equally affected by their involvement in this group. One current Marian said, "I can't choose one favorite memory.. if I were to pick something it would be moments like this, when we come together."

My hero for today is not one, but the growing group of Marians; whom I have every confidence will shake and change this world for the better.

"Remember the past
Change the present
Dream the future"
Marians love

Priorities

"We all have priorities. I think about what I am going to eat and how I am going to get out of things." - Adelle Cantor (the woman who does my eyebrows)

It's not always about coming up with your own words, but sharing the words of others:

"We get lost in the back of our minds. Got nothin to burn but time, time, time. Everybody's got the love but they keep it inside." - Eric Hutchinson "Oh!"

Honesty in Media!?

I am a closeted television watcher; nothing short of a couch potato. Possibly a lovely genetic gift from my father who, if given the choice, would watch TV and fish for the rest of his days.

I am not proud of my television addiction. My hours spent in front of the tube often fill me with the same remorse that binge eaters feel after polishing off a gallon of ice cream. This guilt can be attributed to the program selections I make. I am rarely (although it has been known to happen) soaking up facts from the Discovery Channel, experiencing the world's cultures with Nat Geo, or traveling in time with the History Channel. Unfortunately, my fingers hit the remote and go straight to Vh1... mtv... and the worst of them all E! Ugh, typing it here has not relieved the guilt. These channels so often have nothing to offer. That is until my unlikely super hero of 3-3-10: Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Dr. Drew's contributions to vh1 and mtv include: 16 and Pregnant, Sex with Mom and Dad, Celebrity Rehab, Sober House, and Sex Rehab. While I am not an avid watcher any of these shows, save for Celebrity Rehab season 3, I have seen episodes of each.

Dr. Drew has advised people since 1984 on the radio show Loveline. In 2008 Dr. Drew expanded his audience by actively involving himself in television. The television programs I have listed are watched by young-adults everyday and for this I respect and appreciate Dr. Drew's influence. Particularly in his shows concerning drug addiction.

Having personally witnessed drug addiction and distribution ruin lives has ignited in me a fascination with the world of drug abuse. Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew does not sensationalize drug abuse but instead it features celebrities who have serious issues. This kind of exposure to addiction is valuable for anyone considering experimentation with drugs. Not everyone who does drugs ends up where Tom Sizemore or Mackenzie Phillips are but some of us a predisposed to be addicts. For those people it is crucial to see where drug abuse can lead.

I also argue the shows value for anyone who wonders whether their friend, mother, cousin, or brother is an addict. Often drug users display typical behaviors. These are seen and pointed out on the show. While the show has entertainment value it also serves as an educational tool.

Whatever encouraged these celebrities to broadcast their addiction to nation wide audiences becomes inconsequential in comparison to the impact their experiences have on those watching at home. So what if it was to get publicity? They get more than they bargained for in the one-on-one and group therapy sessions.

In honoring Dr. Drew I am also paying homage to honesty. Sugar-coating drug addiction is a disservice and a shame. Some of you are well aware that there is a very dark world out there full or very sick people. Shedding light on that world can help us combat drug addiction in the U.S.

As a side note, this blog was inspired by an episode of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew in which a loved one of an addict said, "You can live and you can live a long life. You don't have to live a fantastic, incredible, celebrity life. You want a boring, predictable life and you cannot believe how rich that is until you're in it."

Unconditional Positive Regard

Psychologist Carl Rogers developed the concept of unconditional positive regard with therapists in mind. He suggested that therapists should perceive each client with, you guessed it, unconditional positive regard.

I am not a therapist but I think Carl Rogers' theory has broader implications than that of a client - therapist relationship. So you may be thinking, I thought I was going to be reading about the adventures of an underdog, instead I am getting a lesson in psychology. Grumble no more because here it is - my unlikely super hero for 2-19-10: P!nk. Shocked? Yeah, me too but let me explain.

P!nk is a pop artist who has had a rocky past both in and out of the public eye. For example her hard and fast marriage to motocrosser Carey Hart. She has always had a "if they can't handle it then fuck 'em" attitude. That is not why she is my hero of the day. She is my hero for her honesty in her lyrics. I was particularly amazed when I watched her 2010 Grammy performance:



Not only were her cirque du soleil style aerobatics incredible but the words to her song "Glitter in the Air" had an honesty that you don't find in everyday pop music.

Now I would like to believe that I can gather from this song and P!nk's other recent music, videos, and performances that she works hard to perceive herself with unconditional positive regard.

None of us are perfect and often we don't let ourselves forget it. Sometimes we slip into a role whether it is the story teller, the quiet one, the drama queen/ king, or the comedian. When things get tough we let these roles define and confine us. It is one of the greater challenges of the human condition to break these boundaries and see ourselves for the complex beings that we are. It can be difficult to appreciate our complexities - we hate the way we are intimidated by certain people because we regard them as more clever, more attractive, more creative, more popular, more than ourselves.

This brings to mind two things. First is the lyrics of a Regina Spektor song, "Now, this is how it works / You peer inside yourself / You take the things you like / And try to love the things you took" from "On the Radio." We all have qualities that make us beautiful human beings - inside and out. It is OUR job, no one elses, to find those things we deem as beautiful and remember those when we feel weak.

Secondly I can't help but recall the letter at the end of "The Breakfast Club" brought to us by the late, great John Hughes and his incredible cast of brat packers.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did WAS wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
...and an athlete...
...and a basket case...
...a princess...
...and a criminal...
Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

We are many things, it is up to us to honor those things. So cheers to P!nk and anyone of you that strives to regard yourself with unconditional positivity.