Unconditional Positive Regard

Psychologist Carl Rogers developed the concept of unconditional positive regard with therapists in mind. He suggested that therapists should perceive each client with, you guessed it, unconditional positive regard.

I am not a therapist but I think Carl Rogers' theory has broader implications than that of a client - therapist relationship. So you may be thinking, I thought I was going to be reading about the adventures of an underdog, instead I am getting a lesson in psychology. Grumble no more because here it is - my unlikely super hero for 2-19-10: P!nk. Shocked? Yeah, me too but let me explain.

P!nk is a pop artist who has had a rocky past both in and out of the public eye. For example her hard and fast marriage to motocrosser Carey Hart. She has always had a "if they can't handle it then fuck 'em" attitude. That is not why she is my hero of the day. She is my hero for her honesty in her lyrics. I was particularly amazed when I watched her 2010 Grammy performance:



Not only were her cirque du soleil style aerobatics incredible but the words to her song "Glitter in the Air" had an honesty that you don't find in everyday pop music.

Now I would like to believe that I can gather from this song and P!nk's other recent music, videos, and performances that she works hard to perceive herself with unconditional positive regard.

None of us are perfect and often we don't let ourselves forget it. Sometimes we slip into a role whether it is the story teller, the quiet one, the drama queen/ king, or the comedian. When things get tough we let these roles define and confine us. It is one of the greater challenges of the human condition to break these boundaries and see ourselves for the complex beings that we are. It can be difficult to appreciate our complexities - we hate the way we are intimidated by certain people because we regard them as more clever, more attractive, more creative, more popular, more than ourselves.

This brings to mind two things. First is the lyrics of a Regina Spektor song, "Now, this is how it works / You peer inside yourself / You take the things you like / And try to love the things you took" from "On the Radio." We all have qualities that make us beautiful human beings - inside and out. It is OUR job, no one elses, to find those things we deem as beautiful and remember those when we feel weak.

Secondly I can't help but recall the letter at the end of "The Breakfast Club" brought to us by the late, great John Hughes and his incredible cast of brat packers.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did WAS wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
...and an athlete...
...and a basket case...
...a princess...
...and a criminal...
Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

We are many things, it is up to us to honor those things. So cheers to P!nk and anyone of you that strives to regard yourself with unconditional positivity.