Themes

My blog used to have a theme but not every story can be a tale of heroism therefore I will no longer write solely about those who I deem to be heroic.  Considering that in 2010 I thought P!nk and Dr. Drew were worthy of a post, maybe this is a good thing...

I am inspired to write today because I realized I just celebrated an anniversary in January - one that is worth turning over in my mind and commemorating and one that has few heroes to boast.  I celebrated a 4 year anniversary: the relationship has been on and off, hot and cold, and at times highly ridiculous.  Honestly, I think I have resented this relationship more than I valued it.  I tried to change myself for it and I kept it a secret from most of those close to me.  It's influence made me question myself constantly and therefore, at times, made me feel very insecure.  Four years ago in January I entered into a complicated and tumultuous relationship with online dating.  I have been on 3 dating sites in the past four years so, although I paint "him" as an abusive boyfriend, I can't really say that I have been faithful.   

Online dating is a common occurrence in the world of city dwelling 20 somethings, therefore it is cliche to be ashamed of it.  That being said, I tend to be a pretty private person (all current evidence to the contrary) and I was embarrassed to think I somehow couldn't meet any one in the conventional paradigm.  I wanted a romantic comedy plot to play out in my life (one that would star someone like Mindy Kaling or Kristen Wiig) and when that was not happening for me I felt like I was somehow less than.  My self deprecating perception of being an online dater meant that I was hesitant to publicly proclaim,  "I am scouring the internet for a boyfriend the way my sister scours zappos for shoes!!"  If someone asked me directly, "have you tried online dating?" I answered honestly and with time and the halting hesitation of a 2nd grader at confession, I shared my affliction with some of my closest friends.

Now that I have more friends who have tried online dating, many (gay, straight, male, and female) with great success and one that recently became engaged to a man she met online, I feel more comfortable saying yes when people ask if I have online dated.  "What's the difference?" you ask?  Before I wasn't comfortable with it.  What I am trying to say is that dating is personal and aside from this blog post I am not inclined to bare all when discussing it.   

Not only is dating personal but people approach it differently.  Some people jump in, schedule several dates in a week, and don't stop until they are in a relationship.  I truly enjoy talking to my friends who have done this.  They create Excel spreadsheets, rate their dates, and make dating look fun.  I am sure you have assumed by now, if only because of the fact that this is a four year anniversary, that I am not this kind of person.  The first website I tried was match.com.  Of the 3 months I spent on the site I went out with two guys.  Not enough to make an Excel spreadsheet... not even enough to necessitate a table in Word.